25 things about me i will not post on facebook: 6 & 7

6. i hate the smell of outside on my family. i won't even hug them when they walk back in the house if they've been playing hard. or as vern may amend "just standing out there for 5 minutes".

a. i only find chicken farms more appalling.

b. slightly less offensive to me are: the tahoe after driving in the rain - it smells like rank fish, and about every farm in the area that produces or otherwise spreads pig manure.

c. pregnant? vern swore i could smell someone pass gas from the car in the next lane driving down the interstate.

and so.

d. i do not mind dirty diapers. for the first 3-4 months, i actually think they smell kinda sweet. for my own children. i have yet to test this scent affection when applied to other babes.

7. if i could marry anyone of my choosing, it would be duff goldman. i simply adore that man. there would naturally be two rules to this engagement: 1. that he be exactly like his tv persona off-camera, and 2. that we would never consummate the union as i continued an affair with vern.

leprechaun lost

i descended from a long line of irish until college when someone i worked with noted the swedish spelling of the family name. suddenly i was the only member in this long line of swede's who had the goal of visiting the emerald island as if i belonged to it.

rather than become jaded surrounded by all these boasting their irish heritage, i take refuge in knowing i do not have to live up to making barmbrack and get by with coloring kraft mac-n-cheese green instead.

nadya vessey

i want to be a mermaid when i grow up. seriously. ariel. a very modest version, though i'm sure speedo could eventually develop a suit so the top looked a little more... well. you know. she sells sea shells...

strolling

i went on a walk the summer i was 12 or 13. i noted how it felt to press my heel onto the sidewalk. how the ankle in my foot would adjust to the grade. my knees raised and lowered to the rhythmic clicking of the joints. it was a cool evening, daylight. i walked the culd de sac of my grandfather's home in omaha. i walked. i paid attention.

i was 7 or 8 swinging my legs. i noted how the weight of my lower leg was released from my knees as my feet arched back up. the pleasant weight reapplied as they came back down. how my legs would glide on their internal propulsion, raised and lowered to the joints, clicking. i swung. i was scolded for kicking my mother by accident of this set-loose propulsion. i swung anyway. i paid attention.

there is something to be said about surgery over the gradual wear-and-tear of life: i get the heads up on when to pay attention before another rung breaks from the ladder.

driving. picking up my children. hugging. standing. leaning.

stairs. at least i do not miss stepping.

water works

Pool Water
Originally uploaded by saraweagel

i would, if i could, tile my shower in 2x2 squares of this. using the same pool hues for a sleek wall fountain that would entertain the eye while masking sound thus replacing my #1 green sin: running the sink faucet while i use the bathroom. such a fountain would also be subtly chlorine-a-fresh aromatic OR smell like coppertone suntan lotion depending the winter/summer season. of course we would also need to update the tub hardware. and install a new glossy white 3 paneled door with a silver "occupied/unoccupied" latch tag and frosted glass save the text "water works"... or how about "pool room" ... ??

i have plenty of time to get the room title right. it is my refuge, this delusion that we shall ever actually finish remodeling our home.

the super not's aspirations...

Cakespy's L'il Cuppie Character
Originally uploaded by Bakerella

(the artistry in pastry and paint, not the consumption of cupcakes and coke.)

super not

i try to start every morning imagining what a perfect day with my mother would have been growing up.

1 yogurt facial, 2 time-outs, 6 big brother teases, 4 ear-piercing screams, 1 on-going nursing attempt interrupted twice by a toddler set on going potty all by herself and caleb has given up looking for play-doh required for our play-doh date, owen is spitting up like nobody's business, maddy needs an early nap not yet rocovered from my putting the diaper back on her all by myself, and i've already become that evil mom even i do not want to spend time with. it's 10 am.