not so itsy bitsy

i thought i would get me a new suit for our numerous waterpark and sprinkler-run adventures this summer. now that summer has indeed arrived with its two bff's: mug and storm.

in march, i had high hopes of resurrecting my favorite black number. the last time i wore it vern had to help get it off. by that i mean he had to hold my suit bunched around my waist with both hands while i gripped the bed with mine and we both tugged. he remembers it fondly. i cringe.

i'm not back to black yet. i could almost pull out the maternity suits were it not that they are designed to give you a little breathing room just where i'd prefer they suck me back together. i bought a cheap blue suit after our tug of war. i could wear it up until my 7th month of pregnancy. it looks like it. i'll swim in jeans and a t-shirt-covered-nursing bra before i wear that sorry thing again.

so.

i was willing to pay a little for this wonder of wonders i found on-line. a miracle of sewn lycra that would boost, suck, shape, trim, tighten and take a good 10 pounds off. i squealed with joy. it was cute. i was skipping around the room. and then i read the fine print:

Suntan lotion absorbed by the suit and not washed out can damage the fabric. Please always be careful to keep your Miraclesuit® free from lotions.

i wear 50 sunblock and reapply every hour. and i still burn.

Whirlpools and spas have a high concentration of chemicals to sanitize the water. Public pools often exceed normal chlorine levels for health reasons. Regular use of these facilities may cause the fabric of your suit to breakdown more quickly than what is considered to be normal use. We suggest wearing an older Miraclesuit® in the hot tub, and saving your new Miraclesuit® for the beach or pool.

in my befuddlement of how miracles are not suited for freckled iowa girls like me, this post from antique mommy came to mind.