easters past

i list my last easter with mom as being spent in omaha. i think she meant it as some relaxing getaway, but it felt more like we were in hiding. and maybe we were. just the 3 of us. in omaha, at a hotel. with a pool that usually meant high-times, but that year carl was yet on crutches and not about to get wet. i was too old as a high school senior to find much joy in swimming by myself. with strange guys around. who might see me. i really can't think what we were doing there. if the stress i recall was because it was meant to be a good time and wasn't or ? - if we were hiding out and it's never easy to relax when you're running away. it's only as a side that i remember it was even easter. mom was so tired, frazzled, on-edge. she ran a red light through a major intersection.

my last easter with dad was my junior year in college. at a hotel in omaha. he had rooms there for our family of 4 plus aunt mary. grandpa horne had died the september before. we were there for the hotel's big easter sunday buffet. i remember saturday night watching... that movie with the action hero and shoot-out with the alligator tank. joking around with carl in his hotel robe. showing pictures to mom and mary of some college activities. habitat over spring break maybe?

dad wanted so badly for us to all just relax and enjoy one another's company. we all did try. trying can be tiring. and then came sunday morning and dad was making stern phone calls because his credit card was maxed out, and they had no way to pay for the rooms. carl and i went down to the big buffet by ourselves. surrounded by strange, smiling happy families. when we came back up to the room, dad was still at the little desk, on the phone. rubbing his forehead. that's how i left him, down to the parking lot and back to school.

those two seasons are fresh every year in my mind. my poor parents. all through toddlerdom and elementary and baskets and candy and... and all the kid remembers are the two weekends you wish she didn't.